Men's Guide to Common Female Phrases

What You Hear... = And What I Really Mean!

We need.... = I want...

Its your decision.... = The correct decision should be obvious by now!

Do what you want to... = You'll pay for this later!

We need to talk... = I need to complain!

Sure... go ahead... = I don't want you to!

I'm not upset... = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

You're ... so manly... = You need a shave and you sweat a lot!

You're certainly attentive tonight... = Is sex all you ever think about?

I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I am on my period.

This kitchen is so inconvenient... = I want a new house.

I want new curtains.... = ....and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

I need wedding shoes... = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

Hang the picture there....... = NO, I mean hang it there!

I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.

Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like.

I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.

Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful.

You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.

Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

Yes = No

No = No

Maybe = No

I'm sorry! = You'll be sorry!

Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.

Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important!

All we're going to buy is a soap dish... = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

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